remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
