K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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