i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
