I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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