I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
