In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
