if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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