They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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