I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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