I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
