so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
