Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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