i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
