I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
