my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
