Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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