Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
