i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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