before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
