I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
