I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
