If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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