The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
