my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
