Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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