Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
