piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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