My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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