Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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