Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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