Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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