I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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