I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
