Will you blow on my dice?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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