Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
