He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
