I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
