I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
