you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
