Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
