I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
