Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
