I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
