And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
