How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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