I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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