I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
