Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
