It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
