I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
