I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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