and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
