His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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