Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
